The Uncle Cooper Conundrum
by PennyBlossom
Summary: Penny and Sheldon discover a baby girl on the streets of Pasedena while spending a day together. How can the germaphobic, child-despising Sheldon Cooper be able to take care of a baby? Hopefully with the help of Penny and the rest of the gang, things will work out. Meanwhile, relationship problems are breaking up the shamy. Will Penny find her way to Sheldon's heart?
1. Ice cream with friends

The Uncle Cooper Conundrum

"This is ridiculous, Penny."

The waitress cast the doctor a sideways glance as she strapped on yet another pair of flats. Sheldon rolled his eyes and checked his watch which felt like the billionth time that hour. Good lord, were women insane.

"Aw, C'mon, Sheldon!" she pouted as she walked across the aisle several times to test out the shoes. She had dragged the uninterested physicist along as a payback for taking him to the comic book store. Since Penny had to spend an hour and a half watching Shelly decide between "The Flash" and "Green Lantern", it was his turn to suffer.

"Do ya think the pink ones or the yellow ones?" The blonde asked absent-mindedly holding up the two pump heels. Sheldon looked up, quizzical as she handed the shoe boxes to him.

"Ummm…" he stuttered as Penny shook her head.

"Yeah, I should probably try them both on." she said adding a playful smirk. Penny just loved getting Sheldon all pissed off for some reason. Maybe that having a hot-headed friend was just fun to have to push buttons with. It could also be because little Shelly was just too innocent and cute to fight back.

"Hey, Sheldon! Look I'm as tall as you!" The young woman giggled as she stood next to the physicist. Sheldon glared at the pretty girl. He obviously did not like being outdone…especially with his height.

"If it weren't for those shoes, you wouldn't be," The doctor mumbled as he gave his neighbor an exasperated glare. Penny rolled her eyes and unstrapped her heels. She could already sense the envy that was boiling inside him. Maybe she could dial back her button pushing for just one day.

"Alright, Cooper," she smiled as she looked back up into his ocean blue eyes. "I'm back to my 5'5, height. You happy?"

"I'm not unhappy," he replied with a satisfied grin. "But I feel more comfortable, see?" Sheldon moved his hand from his forehead to above Penny's level to show the height difference. Penny sighed in both annoyance and amusement at the whimsical man.

"Your height can never compete with my 6'2 stature," Sheldon boasted as the two walked out of the clothing store. Penny playfully punched his shoulder as he whined and looked down at her.

"What was that for?"

"For being you,"

Penny beamed up at the young man. He looked somewhat puzzled yet intrigued at that last statement.

"Hey, ya wanna go grab some ice cream?"

"Penny, although I find your vernacular somewhat charming, I encourage you to use proper language. Anyway, I wouldn't mind an ice cream considering the 92 degrees weather."

The blonde ignored the first statement but offered a smile as the two began to walk to the nearest Dairy Queen. The day really was gorgeous with puffy, cumulous clouds patched over the pale blue sky. Wow, the sky was almost as blue as a certain physicist's eyes she knew. Oh, what was Penny thinking? Dr. Wackadoodle drives her nuts!

The jingling of the store's bells on the door alerted the clerk as she looked at the two young adults.

"What can I get for the lovely couple?"

Penny and Sheldon both exchanged pale glances as they shook their heads immediately.

"Oh, no no no. We aren't a couple," Penny protested before Sheldon could open his loud mouth. Penny glanced over at him to see his expression a little hurt but his cheeks were mostly bright red in embarrassment. Why would he want to be in a relationship with a dumb bimbo like her?

"My mistake, what can I get you?"

"Medium vanilla ice cream cone, please."

"And you, sir?"

Penny sighed as she knew the whole Sheldon ice cream routine by heart. The bad thing was that this poor, innocent woman was going to have to witness it.

"Half chocolate half vanilla side by side not swirled, half a teaspoon of sprinkles, rainbow not chocolate, 2 cherries one on top one on the bottom stems removed."

Penny winced as she glanced at the clerk who was blank faced, poor thing.

"Um, can you repeat that sir?"

"Of course, half chocol-"

"Oh for god's sakes, Sheldon!" The waitress grabbed the physicist's arm as she dragged him to the nearest table. She didn't even care if the lady at the counter screwed up the order she just couldn't hear the doctor ramble on about it.

"Well, that was a bit uncalled for," Sheldon commented adding an obnoxious eye roll. Penny narrowed her eyes at him but sighed as she shrugged her shoulders.

"Oh, trust me, sweetie. It was completely called for."

Sheldon awkwardly stared at Penny as she fiddled with a strand of hair. The two hadn't spent much time together since Amy joined the group. Either Sheldon was out on "date night" with the neurobiologist or Penny was out on a date with Leonard. Penny didn't want to admit it but she really missed spending time with her quirky friend. It hurt her a lot.

"Sheldon, what are you doing tonight?" Penny finally asked after she built up enough courage. Sheldon shrugged as he picked at his fingernail.

"Well Amy and I were going to have our 'date night'…but…"

"But what?"

Sheldon fidgeted in his chair and Penny could see that his lip was faintly trembling.

"I seem to have upset her."

Penny placed a hand over her heart as it all came to her. Amy was recently complaining to her about how the wackadoodle doesn't give her enough attention. Penny was torn between Amy's side and Sheldon's side. Of course she couldn't blame Amy about how annoying it was for Sheldon not to lay a finger on her. Girls need a man's affection. She also couldn't blame Sheldon about his physical contact issue. She knew Sheldon. He didn't show his affection through hugs and kisses. He showed it through talking and smiling.

"I'm sorry sweetie but I think we know the issue here," Penny said sympathetically.

Sheldon looked at her with a blank expression on his face, obviously not seeing the problem.

"She wants to get physical with you," Penny replied softly as Sheldon nodded once again.

"I believe that _is_ an issue, Penny. I'm just not comfortable with physical contact as you have learned over the past six years."

"It's alright sweetie. Just give Amy some time and she'll understand." Penny offered a bright smile which Sheldon half returned.

"Alright here's your ice cream, ma'am."

"Thanks."

"Here's your ice cream, sir." The waitress cast a nervous glance at Penny who nodded to reassure her. His ice cream looked correctly made to her but Sheldon would be the judge of that.

"So, Sheldon I was thinking maybe we should head home after this…Sheldon?"

"Ackkkk! Ackkkkk! Cherry stem! Cherry stem!"


	2. A suprising discovery

The Uncle Cooper Conundrum

"Geez, Sheldon," Penny pat him on the back as she held up the half digested cherry in disgust. "You really need to relax about this whole ice cream thing."

Sheldon shrugged and coughed as a bit of cherry came up. Both of them knew Sheldon wouldn't be able to get over this ice cream routine. Just like pizza night, and halo night, and laundry night…

"Well, on that note I think we should start to head home." Penny sighed as she looked up at the queasy physicist.

"Agreed," Sheldon mumbled as the two departed the ice cream parlor.

Penny and Sheldon walked in silence as they took in the beautiful scenery. April was always nice in California, but this day was particularly a gorgeous one.

_Rustle. Rustle. Rustle. _Penny stopped in her tracks as she whirled around.

"What is it?" Sheldon asked concern rising in his voice. Penny shook her head, confused.

"I thought I heard something." She shook it off as she joined the doctor again to walk.

_Rustle. Rustle. Rustle._

"Okay, I hear it too now," Sheldon leered as he and Penny exchanged looks of interest. Penny began to edge closer to the noise, her fearless Nebraskan attitude kicking in. She looked behind her to see Sheldon's arm grab hers.

"Penny, please. You don't know that could be over there," Sheldon warned, tightening his grip. "It could be a wild dog, or a rabid cat, or even the runaway bobcat nobody has ever found!"

The blonde rolled her eyes and gave the physicist a reassuring smile.

"Sweetie, I have told you a number of times. Whatever it is, I can go all Nebraska on its ass. Now let Miss Penelope handle this." Penny stepped closer to the noise picking up a loose soda can on the ground as a weapon. Sheldon rolled his eyes wondering how she could possibly think that it could help her. The rustling increased as Penny finally flicked up the sheet of plastic where the source of the noise was coming from.

"Ahaha!" she mused as she looked to see what it was. "Oh,"

A tiny infant, no older than six months, looked up at the waitress with huge green eyes. Penny gasped as she edged backwards almost bumping into Sheldon.

"Um, Sheldon? You need to see this," Penny exhaled as she peered into the basket the small baby was in.

"Oh, what could possibly be so important that…oh," Sheldon's face turned pale as a mixture of solemn and nervousness rushed through his body. He had never really known how to react around children. In fact, he detested them for that matter.

Penny and Sheldon knelt down to get a better view of the child. Penny couldn't help but notice the baby's straight blonde hair and vivid green eyes resembled…hers.

"Sheldon, there's a note," Penny whispered as she carefully picked it up from the wicker basket as both of them glanced at it:

_Dear whoever may read this,_

_This here is my five month old daughter. I just can't take the pressure of being a teenage mother anymore. I have lost my job, I can't get into school, and my life is just falling apart. Please provide my little girl with tender, loving care. She means the world to me and I hope you can show her support and love. I haven't given her a name yet so take your pick._

_Thank you,_

_Amanda_

"Amanda," Penny repeated as she handed the letter to Sheldon. "Do we know any Amandas?"

"Look, she made a grammatical error. The word is _whomever_ not _whoever_! No wonder she couldn't get back into school." Sheldon stated matter-of-factly as Penny shot him a look of disgust.

"Never mind that, Sheldon! We need to give this baby a place to stay. Come and let's bring her to your apartment."

"I believe not," Sheldon frowned as he folded his arms across his chest. "Why should she stay in _my_ apartment?"

"You're right, what good would that do? Fine, she can stay in mine. Now pick her up." Penny ordered as she gestured towards the baby.

"You pick her up," Sheldon twitched as both of them exchanged glances of terror. How would they get this kid home now?

"Oh, um, okay," Penny squeaked as she got to the baby's level. Sheldon nodded, gesturing for her to keep on going. Penny reluctantly wrapped her hands around the baby's underarms and gently lifted her out of the basket.

"Not too shabby," Sheldon praised (or at least in his way of praising). Penny rewarded him with a playful smirk.

"Not too shabby? Let's see you pick her up!" she giggled as she stepped closer to the towering man. Sheldon's face grew even more pale in fear.

"Oh, no, no, no, missy. I'm not the holding ty-AHHHHH!" Penny smiled as she stepped back to admire her work. Sheldon awkwardly held the baby far from his face as she cooed and reached out towards him.

"Penny, I swear to god…I'll…I'll…"

"You'll what sweetie? Throw her at me?" Penny chuckled as she began to walk home. "Now let's go Uncle Cooper and Mini Penny."

"Mini Penny?" Sheldon questioned and held the baby a little bit closer as a gust of wind nipped him. He had to admit that holding the baby wasn't the worst thing in the world, but he still didn't enjoy it.

"Well, she doesn't have a name now right?" Penny reminded him. "Might as well get started."

"Fine then I propose to call her a name as well."

"What is it?"

"Spokette."

Penny broke into a hysterical giggle as the physicist smirked, triumphantly.

"Do I get a nickname?"

"Sure you do, blondie." Sheldon grinned as the three reached the apartment building.

"Alright, knock it off, Cooper."


	3. Someone needs a change

**(A/N) Sorry for the wait! Regents are coming up! Hello everybody! Thank you very much for all your positive reviews and comments! I have tried to use some of your suggestions towards the story so I hope you like, like, like! Sheldon will begin to become attached more to the baby so be patient! **** There will also be a running gag with trying to come up with the baby's name (sort of like in the fairly odd parents with poof) lol. Next chapter is a "Babies R' us" adventure! Sorry for this short chapter!**

"Well clearly there must be some sort of address on here," Sheldon huffed as he scanned the letter for about the hundredth time, circling Penny's apartment. "Penny, do they accept human infants into animal shelters?"

Penny looked sternly up at the theoretical physicist as she stroked the baby's soft, blonde hair. "Sheldon, please, we aren't giving this wittle itty bitty baby to a mean animal shelter are we?" she cooed which made Sheldon even more exasperated.

"Penny, I don't like that tone of voice," he whined as he grumpily plopped down on Penny's couch. "Awww…is Shelly-Welly a widdle bit gwumpy?" she smirked as she pinched his cheek. Sheldon pursed his lips angrily like a toddler would and crossed his arms. "No," he mumbled.

The door suddenly burst open as Howard and Raj paraded into the apartment looking for Leonard. They immediately stepped back as they took in the crazy scene in front of them. Penny, Sheldon, and a…baby?

"Uh, what the frack is going on here?" Howard asked a puzzled expression forming on his face. Raj nodded quickly in agreement.

"Oh, hey guys. Well, Sheldon and I found this baby on the street so I'm taking her in until we see what we can do with her." Penny explained.

"Aw, lemme see the little thing," Howard cooed as he reached for the little girl. "I haven't held a baby in ages since Bernie despises the tiny brats."

The baby gave a blank expression to him but then quickly changed it to a small grin.

"Aw, look at that, she's smiling at me!" Howard laughed. Penny cocked her head to the side.

"Howard, I don't think she's smiling, I think she's…"

"Oh, ewww!" Howard clenched his nose and threw the baby onto the seat in between Sheldon and Penny. They screeched and got up, clearly understanding what the baby was doing.

"She needs to be changed!" Penny yelped as she stared at the three men in front of her who looked back blankly.

"Um…women's work," Howard said as he motioned towards the baby. "Get going,"

Penny scoffed as she punched him in the elbow.

"What? You see boobs and automatically see a maternal instinct?" Penny growled at him and looked down at the hopeless baby now beginning to whimper. "I don't know how to change a diaper!"

"See, Penny! I told you we should have left the infant alone and none of this would ever have happened!" Sheldon groaned as he crinkled his nose.

"Sheldon, she's a helpless baby. How would she defend herself? Now come along with me you guys," Penny ordered already tugging at Sheldon and Raj's shirts.

"Where are we going?" Sheldon asked as Penny ushered the three men out of the apartment.

"We need to buy the kid some baby stuff, obviously," Penny stated. "Babies R' us."

"Um, don't you need the baby to do that?" Howard asked as Penny looked at her hands…without the baby in them.

"Oh, right. That would be helpful," Penny retrieved the baby from her apartment, holding her _far_ from her face. "Alright, to Babies R' us we go."


	4. It's a wrap!

Hey everyone! Sorry to get your hopes up for a new chapter, but I have decided to put an end to this fic. I feel like I can write a much better one and this was sort of a little practice one to expand my ideas. I promise to make a new one as soon as possible with a very similar plot! Hint: I think it would be better if Sheldon takes care of an older kid that's not really an infant. Thank you for all your lovely comments which really encourage me to keep on writing. I am just entering 10th grade, but I still aspire to become a writer one day! =)


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